Sunday, 2 March 2014

My Week In Melbourne

When people were all "Wow, long way to go for a week", I was all "Travelling long distance, no biggie guys, it's my job!". If I only ended up with two days in Melbourne it would have been worth the travel just to see my bestie Sheree.
Now I understand what everyone was going on about. I've realised that beforehand I'd never experienced full swing jet lag like this.

16th-18th Feb

My journey to Melbourne was long but enjoyable because I'd never flown Emirates before or as a passenger on long haul for that matter. When I got into MEL (so official with my airport codes) it was glorious and I couldn't wait to get to St Kilda, where Sheree lives right on the beach. And to the beach we went.
For the first day we didn't make any plans but went out for breakfast and dinner (starting as we meant to go on). I was loving the soap-opera that was Sheree getting three people to move into her houseshare literally the day before rent was due and her other housemates were leaving (and definitely not worrying about getting someone in to take their room). We were really sad that the in-house Macaulay Culkin lookalike was moving out so made him perform poses - like the examples below - while we still had the chance.



On day two Sheree and I wrote a plan of what we were doing for the rest of my visit. We pretty much failed at most of it's outcomes. It looked like this:
This was the weather when we made our list, hence our positivity.
Wed 19th
To justify the weight we've both put on in the last year it only seemed appropriate to shift our fat butts to the night food extravaganza in the city, Queen Victoria Market. Here there were an abundance of food stalls of all different cuisines from Korean to Lebanese and we tried pretty hard to taste all the food we'd never experienced before. To compliment the food stalls there were other stalls selling happy pants to incense boxes. They even had a live african band and silent disco!



We hung about the market until it closed and we had to venture out into the pouring rain. As we were in the city, Sheree decided it would be great to go to a secret little bar she'd visited before. We took a few trams and got soaked trying to find this secret bar in streets that all looked the same. We were both wearing Havaianas. We stopped at a few places to ask for directions and finally we found Eau de Vie. It was phenomenal. 

The Bar. Eau De Vie.
Sheree ordered the Espresso Zabaione (left) because it came with flaming liquid nitrogen... but they ran out. I ordered the Scurvy Sailor (right). Mmmmmm.
I think this is what Sheree expected from her first order.
The totally charming bartender took a picture of us.
The Aviation. The cloud is made from candyfloss...
... topped with a little paper airplane.
On the way home in the taxi we were pretty half cut and decided to jump out at Fitzroy Street and went to a clubby bar called 29th apartment then onto another bar I can't remember the name of. As usual we drew as much attention to ourselves as possible swing dancing with Italian wannabe rappers after some hippy brushed his long beard on my cheek. I even left with a potential hubby (the huge friendly bouncer) and a girl's email address that I've never met - apparently she lives in London and is an absolute hoot. 

Thur 20th

In the morning we had to wait to greet some of Sheree's new housemates, mainly to get their rent, so we got up late and went for breakfast before showering and sorting ourselves. We arranged to meet a bit later with my friend Michael at St Kilda market and he brought his dog, Alfie. Alfie was the cutest dug I've ever seen, I even wanted to stroke him. Sheree was so besotted with him, he kept her occupied. The hippy market was full of hippies doing nothing but trying to breathe fire and the likes. It seems being a hippy here is tough work. In St Kilda there's a fairground called Luna Park and it looks like something out of "Are You Afraid Of The Dark?". We failed at having a day out there but I got a snap of the spooky entrance. Later, we went for a drink at the other side of St Kilda before calling it a night.

Luna Park Entrance
These hippies have joined the circus!  
Alfie!
So proud of Alfie for being so sniffed by other dogs.

Frid 21st

During the day Sheree took me into the city again - the weather was considerably better and the place look much more appealing than on my first visit. We went for oysters and wine on Southbank after visiting the restaurant where she works there. She took me to the huge Crown casino she goes to after work. Apparently the guy who owns it is going out with Miranda Kerr these days - I'm pretty sure he's no Orlando Bloom!

Swallowing oystazzzz.
Jammin'
Smilin'
Cyclin'
Gamin'
More Gamin'
That night we met Sheree's friend in the city again to go to a rooftop bar (above a place called Cookies, I believe?). It was gorgeous but a bit over-populated so after climbing like 8 flights of stairs up, we got pretty drunk and climbed back down again. We joined a table at a club nearby called Eve and they stamped our wrists with the most vile VIP stamp I've ever seen.  Sheree had a Cranberry juice, I had nothing. The place looked like a bad episode of Jersey Shore mixed with Miami drug-dealers and girls wearing trashy dresses. We left for MacDonalds. I had two. Ughhhh, we shouldn't moved from the first place. Overall, we had a good night and allowed the McDonalds (across the road) to compensate for the poor choice of second venue.

Sat 22nd

I slept alot during the day. The jetlag was killing me. The morning followed a similar pattern to those that came before: Get up. Get something to eat while Sheree wakes up. Go for breakfast. Go for a nap. Get ready for the day.
That evening we went to White Night, a huge event in the city where people flood to the streets to see a huge number of music, art and culture pop-ups. It was really busy so we ended up in a bar on the square, people watching. 
Flinders Street Station in Illumination.
 The most memorable part of the evening had to be the ride home. We had got about a mile from home in Paul's truck before he ran out of petrol. I tried to convince Sheree to walk to the petrol station while I went for a McDonalds. She was having none of it. We pushed the car to the petrol station and lucky for you guys, I obviously took a video!

Sun 23rd

After all the car pushing from the night before Sheree and I decided to take it easy and went for breakfast in the morning. Went to the beach and shared a bottle of wine. We had intended to visit The Great Ocean Road but had spent most of our money in the first two days so settled for St Kilda beach. A full-on cowboy on a horse galloped the thing onto the beach, weaving between sunbathers. I thought we were about to be trampled to death! I'm just so glad Sheree and I got to be lazy around each other like we used to do in Glasgow when we had nothing to do. It was just so refreshing being able to wind everyone else up and talk in our special voices without worrying about work or anything else. It was even better being able to do it in St Kilda.

Mon 24th

Made it to the airport. After a 14 hour flight to Dubai I spent the rest of the day hanging out at departure gates to be rejected from four flights to LHR (again with the airport codes sorry guys) because I was travelling on a standby ticket. During this 21 hour period I mostly contemplated getting a spa pedicure on arriving home. My day in Dubai was hardly cruisin' down the marina in my Lambourgini but was made considerably worse when I discovered Carluccios a whole hour before my flight - for the love of...why only now?!? 

Eventually I made it home, albeit without my check-in luggage. 
I had to wait a whole two days for that!

Shreeeeee I love you and next time I'm coming to visit for a whole month!

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